Cheryl often talks about how much she loves her job. The one thing she hates about it, though, is the flying. It isn't the fear as much as the attitude of the airlines.
As often happens when Cheryl gets annoyed, a song pops out. This is one of them. 
- On The Plane
- Words And Music By
- Cheryl Wheeler
- You will need to arrive at a quarter to five
- if your plane is departing at ten.
- When you called for a seat, we advised you to meet
- at the gate and we'd let you know then.
- The seats are so teeny you'll sit like Houdini.
- Be quiet and listen to this,
- If we should fall in a fiery ball,
- kiss your own ass good-bye, then your kids.
- On the plane, on the plane,
- You will do exactly as we say.
- You'll remain in your seat
- with your bags at your feet
- till the speech is complete on the plane.
- If we sit on the runway from now until Monday
- well all we can say is "too bad".
- Up front there's free liquor and they get there quicker,
- so those folks are not quite as mad.
- You've paid your dinero, this movie's just fair
- Oh but here comes the part that's so good.
- Then the pilot will cut in; "We can't see Cleveland,
- but if it weren't cloudy, we could".
- On the plane all is well,
- Just think of it as practicing for hell.
- I'm in five, you're in four,
- you lean back anymore,
- you'll be shoved out the door of the plane.
- We are not responsible for...anything.
- And everything can go wrong.
- We really don't know where we'll go or when.
- And you may never see your bags again.
- Such a shame, on the plane.
- Your carry on stuff has to fit in this box.
- If it doesn't and you make us wait,
- you'll be pulled from the line with a hook from behind
- and then beaten and shot at the gate.
- The air that you're breathing's been re-circulating
- since Orville and Wilbur were boys.
- If you should choke, here's a thimble of coke.
- You do realize that coughing annoys?
- On the plane, on the plane
- People are we perfectly insane?
- The skies are not so friendly.
- Delta isn't ready.
- I prefer the bus.
- USAIR begins with US.
- It's truly torturous
- on the plane...on the plane.
- (P) May 26, 2001
- Penrod And Higgins Music / Amachrist Music
- ACF Music Group
- International Copyright Reserved